Extended Wait Times

Yesterday I had really good intentions.  I was planning to get a post ready last night and post it this morning - a fun, lighthearted, fluffy post, probably about the marshmallow Lego minifigure heads I'm making for the par-tay this weekend.

Then I checked my email.

We had one from the Africa staff at AWAA.  It read in part, "As the wait time trend has continued to increase, we see the need to amend the timeframe in order to better represent expectations for families receiving referrals.  The wait times are increasing from 14-18 months to 18-24 months for a male or female infant or toddler."  Further down, it also said, "If clearances for children continue to be processed at the current rate, wait times could increase again in the future."

Suddenly I really didn't feel like writing about nice things, like butterflies, rainbows, unicorns, or lego marshmallows.  I wanted to curl up in a ball under the covers and not come out until there was some good news.  (I didn't, of course.  I put on my happy face and continued with our evening dinner plans - a Chinese/Japanese buffet with Jon's parents, our exchange student, and another exchange student whose host family (all four members!) are currently ill.  It ended up being a great evening, for which I was very thankful!)

I have a journal of notes that I keep for each of my kids.  For my kids that are here, I write about the funny things they do and say, the new things they are learning, etc.  For my Africans, I write about how I can't wait to meet them and where we are in the process.  Here's what I wrote this morning...

"We got an email from (our family coordinator) yesterday saying that the wait time has increased to 18-24 months.  I felt undone with disappointment.  Trying to trust in God's perfect timing, but it is hard.  All I can think of is, that's at least one more - or possibly two more Christmases without you.  And that the brother Jackson wants so badly to share a room with will be so much younger than him.  I want to go to Ethiopia and plead my case -

"Don't you understand?  We are ready NOW!"

"The thing is, I had this all worked out so our son would come home and fit (age-wise) perfectly in our family."

"I was so great at getting all that paperwork done!"

"Things went so smoothly for us - they were supposed to continue to do that!"

And then the questions began-

Are we not hearing God right?

Should we expand our age range?

Should we transfer all our info to a different country?

Should we apply to do a concurrent adoption?

The questions are there.  The answers are not.  So we wait."

Bit of a downer, no?  That was definitely my mood this morning.  Even after opening up my Bible Study and completing a lesson all about FAITH.  (Yes, I tend to be stubborn at times).  I was being cynical and realized I was even annoying myself when I caught myself rolling my eyes at scoffing at Chuck Swindoll's pronunciation of one of Pittsburgh's three rivers.  (Yes, Mr. Swindoll, with great respect I can now admit that there could be more than one way of saying Monongahela).

Good mood or no, I set to work doing party prep, with a local Christian radio station playing in the background.  That, my friends, was a miracle in itself.  Usually when I'm in a bad mood, I listen to country music....because the people in those songs seem to have waaay more problems than me!  James Macdonald's "Walk in the Word" came on, and I listened more closely because he is someone I have respected a lot since he visited our college a few (ok, several.  maybe bordering on many.) years ago.  Yet again, God met me right where I was at.  The title of the sermon was "Peace in the Storm."  Can I get an AMEN?!

I highly encourage you to go listen to the sermon here.  It should be available for a few weeks.  Some of my favorite points/quotes.....

• "God knows it is hard to trust Him.  He sees us in the moment.  That's why he makes promises."
• "Biblically waiting on God is resting in Him.  Don't let the one thing become the focus of your life."
• "You don't need to see signs that God is working!  You don't need to know exactly what is happening!"
• Hebrews 6:15, NKJV ~ "And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise." (The "he" in this passage is Abraham, and is referring to the promise of a son).

So yes, we wait.  But we wait with hope.


And now, for your viewing pleasure, the totally random picture of the day.....

...this little girl sure keeps me smiling!!!

Coincidence? I think not.

As a follow-up to yesterday's post on waiting, I wanted to share about another way I've been receiving encouragement in the adoption process.  God has been so faithful.  Looking back over the past several months, every time I have been in a valley, at a low point, doubting, dreading, fearing.....I haven't had to wait long before I find myself being comforted, sustained, motivated, and encouraged.

When I feel like no one is really interested.....a family member offers to do a fundraiser.
When I'm desperate for any good news at all.....a referral for a family in our group.
When I am praying and just wanting to hear from God.....I randomly open my Bible and the very first verses I see are Psalm 27:13-14.

Coincidences?  Some might call them that.  But I know God is sovereign and working even in the little things.  Here's my latest "hug from God" that happened earlier this week....

I had a meeting at church one evening and it went pretty late.  It was after 10 PM by the time I pulled back in the driveway and realized I hadn't checked the mail that day.  I grabbed it, glanced at it (ugh, bills and junk) and put it on the kitchen counter to look at the next day.  I got myself ready for bed and decided to check my email in an attempt to wind down.....mistake.  I found out we had been bumped backwards yet again on the unofficial wait list.  (Can happen when someone ahead of us changes their age request.  No, they aren't big meanies for doing this.  People often expand their age request as the children already in their home get older...it's just a bummer for us).  Anyway, not good news to sleep on.

I woke up the next morning, got myself and the kids ready to head out the door to Bible Study (currently doing Living Beyond Yourself by Beth Moore....sooooo good!), and remembered that stack of mail on the counter. I quickly went through all the bills and junk, and saw a letter I had somehow missed the night before in my post-meeting daze.  I recognized the handwriting right away - it was a letter from dear friends, so of course I opened it immediately.  First I saw two sweet pictures their kids had drawn of our family - including our future kids, drawn so beautifully in preK style, even with brown marker.  The drawings alone were enough to bring a smile to my face and some tears to my eyes.   But when I read the letter from their sweet mama, and out fell a check.....a large check......the only larger donation we've received was from our church on Orphan Sunday.

Wow.

So then the bawl fest began, of course!  (I had always thought pregnancy hormones were rough - they are nothing compared to adoption emotions!)  I was so humbled and grateful that this family (who are not millionaires, by the way) would sacrifice so much to help us.  Then I was again humbled and grateful for the providence of God - who had this little incident planned long ago.  Had I opened the letter the night before, yes it still would have been incredible, but because I didn't see it I had something to "lift me out of the pit" that morning.  Pretty cool.  Thanks, God.  And thanks, friends, for allowing God to use you in that way!!


And now the random totally, totally off topic.....did ya notice....2 posts in 2 days?!  That's pretty much a record as of late.  And it's all due to.....our new computer!  Yee ha!  Although we had dreamed of and seriously contemplated getting a Mac, it became all about the benjamins, and we just couldn't justify spending all of ours on a computer - beautiful and extraordinary as they may be.  Plus, I'm in the middle of reading Radical and almost ready to read 7, and if those aren't convicting, I don't know what is!  So I know all you Mac users are laughing at me now, because once you go Mac you never go back and all, but we ended up getting this computer.  So far it's been great, and for the amount we will use it, we think it will continue to be!

Thoughts on Waiting

Back in June, when we first applied to AWAA's Ethiopia program, we were so so so excited.  (We still are!)  As soon as we were accepted, I worked like a crazy woman to get all of the massive amounts of paperwork and documents ready and sent.  It was such a relief when we received our DTE date ~ now all we would have to do was wait!

Our COMPLETED dossier!

Chuckle.  All we would have to do?  I wasn't necessarily thinking that waiting would be so.stinkin.hard.  I mean, come on.  I have a life after all.  I'm busy with my two homegrown kids and husband to take care of, involved in several church ministries, and my Thirty-one business.  Surely I've got enough to keep me busy.  This time is gonna fly!

I wasn't expecting that I wouldn't be able to not think about my "not-yet-here" kids.  (Yes, that's at least a double negative, possibly more).  Will we be adopting two or one?  Are they born yet?  Do they know the love of a family?  Do they have enough to eat tonight?  What are their names?  How old are they?  What is their first mama going through right now? And, most often - When will they be coming home?

I cherish this point in my life, I really do.  I love the ages and stages of my kids.  I adore my family and the fun we have together.  So don't worry, I'm not wasting away the present by dreaming about the future.  :)  But in all of our moments I am reminded - we are not all together yet.  When my two are running around, laughing and playing, sometimes I think for a moment about the day when there are three or four all laughing together.  Sometimes when we sit down for meal, my mind drifts to a future time when all of our dining room chairs are being used.

So yeah, the waiting is pretty stinky.  Especially in a culture where we really don't have to wait for much of anything.  (Hello?  I use the Keurig to heat up water for Jackson's hot chocolate, because it's quicker than the old-fashioned way of using a microwave.  Tea kettle?  What's that?)  But at the same time, I can choose to rejoice in the waiting. 

Did she just say rejoice?  Yep.  Sure did.  I am so thankful for a Sovereign God who is working for me and for my family, closing some doors and opening others, so one day our family - the one He designed - will be together.

"For since the world began, no ear has heard and no eye has seen a God like you, who works for those who wait for him!" (Isaiah 64:4, NLT) 

"The Lord will work out his plans for my life - for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever (Psalm 138:8)

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." (Romans 8:28)

And finally, a quote from Andy Stanley that I have recently found encouraging - "Waiting time is not wasted time for anyone in whose heart God has placed a vision.  Difficult time.  Painful time.  Frustrating time.  But not wasted time."

It's very likely we've got a long wait ahead of us - probably longer than we had originally thought.  And it's definite that there will be some difficult, painful, and frustrating times in there.  But we continue to trust in the Lord and rejoice, knowing that His ways are better than ours, and He is at work while we wait!

Adoption: Why Does It Cost So Much?

We're in the thick of it now.  Paperwork aplenty, but starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  One of the questions I've been getting a lot lately is the simple - "How much does it cost?"  so I thought I'd expand a little on that today.
First of all, cost varies by agency, country program, and even the state you live in.  For AWAA's Ethiopia program, and for us living in PA, here's the breakdown of our costs....

Application & Dossier Building
   Application Fee                                      $250
   1st Installment of Program Fee                $1500
   Home Study (varies by state)                  $1800
   Home Study travel fees                           $78
   Adoptive Parent Training                        $175
   Document Collecting, etc                        $100-$500
   USCIS/Fingerprinting                             $890
   Notarization/Certification/Authentication  $400

Dossier Submission & Waiting
   Courier Service                                       $150
   2nd Installment of Program Fee               $2000
   Post Adoption Report Deposit                $1000
   Dossier Service & Translation                 $800
   1/2 International Program Fee                 $3750

Referral & Travel
   International Specialist Consultation         $100-$400
   3rd Installment of Program Fee               $1500
   Post Adoption Administrative Fee           $385
   1/2 International Program Fee                 $3750
   Trip 1 Airfare                                         $2400-$4000
   Trip 1 In Country Package                     $1400-$2500
   Trip 1 Visas                                           $40
   Trip 2 Airfare                                         $2400-$4000
   Trip 2 Airfare (child)                               $250-$1000
   Trip 2 In Country Package                     $1000-$2000
   Trip 2 Visas                                           $40
   Visa/Embassy Fee (child)                       $404

Post Adoption
   Post Adoption Visits                              $600-$1300
   Post Adoption Visit travel fees               $0-$300
   Post Adoption Report REFUND           ($1000)
   Other costs (doctors, etc)                      $100-$1000

TOTAL:   $27,762-$34,912

Readoption in the United States is optional, but recommended, and varies by state - $300-$1500.  Another thing to consider is this is the estimated costs for one child.  If we would receive a referral for two children, some of the costs would increase.

Ok, I'm feeling overwhelmed.  How about you?  The next question I have gotten is, "Are you independently wealthy?"  And the answer to that is a big fat NO.  (I'm a stay at home mom, and have you seen my mad couponing skillz?)

It means we are stepping out in faith.  We believe so strongly that adoption is God's plan for our family that we will do it.....even if we don't necessarily know how.  Yes, we do have some of the money saved.  Yes, we could take out a loan, and we will if we need to (there are places who will sometimes grant interest-free loans for the purpose of adoption).  Yes, we will begin applying for grants as soon as our home study is finalized.  Yes, we will be putting house plans on the backburner (my hideous kitchen will remain hideous for a few more years!)  And yes, we are so so thankful for people who have given to us through various ways so far (our coffee fundraiser, through a PayPal donation, items for our upcoming yard sale, or a friend who has donated her notary services!)  We have a few more fundraisers coming up and we are so thankful for the friends behind them!! 

It is expensive.  But God is God.  He can provide us with that money in whatever way He sees fit.  Personally, I vote for a basket of bills floating down from heaven :)  We are trusting in Him and also doing everything we can to save and raise the money.  It will be worth it.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you wear.  Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"  -Matthew 6:25-27

Why Easter?

Easter is just plain fun.  You usually have a few days off - at the very least a long weekend.  You get to decorate eggs, hunt for them, give your kids Easter baskets filled with goodies - maybe even get one yourself (thanks to my in-laws, I still do!!)  And let's not forget, Easter is really the only day of the year when it's perfectly acceptable for your breakfast to consist of Cadbury eggs and marshmallow peeps!

But along with the fun and the food, the reason we celebrate Easter is because of the death and resurrection of Jesus.  It is to remember that...
"Jesus had risen, just as He told them He would. After a criminal does his time in jail and fully satisfies the sentence, the law has no more claim on him and he walks out free. Jesus Christ came to pay the penalty for our sins. That was an infinite sentence, but He must have satisfied it fully, because on Easter Sunday He walked out free. The resurrection was God’s way of stamping PAID IN FULL right across history so that nobody could miss it."  (Tim Keller on The Resurrection).

So thankful that Jesus conquered the grave!  Have a blessed Easter, everyone!

Beauty in the Midst of Despair

So much sadness and devastation lately - the news about Ethiopian adoptions, the earthquake in Japan (which we are experiencing through the eyes of our Japanese exchange student, whose family is safe as they do not live too close to where the earthquake was, but is still understandably shaken), a story of a farming family located about an hour away from us who lost seven of their eight children in a house fire.....and we also had an event happen that was "close" to us when a local family involved in our church experienced a terrible tragedy last weekend as their 3 year old son (J) passed away after a tragic household accident.  I truly cannot even begin to imagine the pain that his parents (K & L) are feeling at this time.  When things like this happen, whether they are large scale natural disasters or a personal tragedy, we begin questioning or doubting God.  We may never understand on this side of heaven why God chose to take little J, and although it is difficult, we can trust in his sovereign plan.  I wanted to share an email that was sent from a family member of K, L, & J.... 

"From the time L found J unconscious…. To when he arrived by ambulance at his daddy’s workplace, (the ER)  From Friday night to Monday morning (57 hours)…. It was a long grueling weekend. 

K and L certainly suffered greatly through it all, but as they dealt with their sorrow and the decision to remove J from life support K specifically prayed for God to just let him KNOW please let him KNOW…that J would be safe…  He just needed a peace to know he would be ok…and that J would be with God.  Where would his decision send the soul of his precious son?

Last evening as the family went back to their home to separate and go through J's things…  K found J's Cubbies Awana book.    He had forgotten this lesson… but it was the very last Awana lesson they did together for 2/27/11 was this…  (Don’t skip the top line!!!)

And the last verse that J said to Mr. Dave… was this:

God spoke to them!!   Some will say that is a coincidence…  but we KNOW!

This was a tremendous relief and blessing to know that J had this lesson just last week.  His last time at church… 

Our sin debt has been paid, but there comes a point in time that each one of us will need to accept the gift of eternal life, the gift that has been offered by Christ.   He said, I am the way the truth and the life, no one comes to the father, but by me.  John 14:6.       Romans 10: 9 says, That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and believe in thy heart that God has raised him (Christ) from the dead, Thou shalt be saved." 

-------------------------------

Although this certainly doesn't take away the pain, the promise of heaven is a comfort.  Please pray for this family.  A memorial fund has been set up (by extended family without K&L's knowledge) in J's name.  The goal is to raise enough money for a down payment on a house for the family ~ it would be a huge blessing to not have to return to the rental house where the accident occurred.  If you feel so inclined to give, feel free to leave your contact information (email) in a comment and I can forward you the information.

Reminder....if you haven't already, please consider signing the petition which asks the Ethiopian government (Prime Minister Meles Zenawi and the Ethiopian Ministry of Women's, Children's, and Youth Affairs) to reconsider their new position of limiting adoptions by 90%.  I am typically NOT a petition kind of person, however I do believe in advocating for children and families.  Thank you!

PS ~ I promise, this blog will not turn into a soapbox!  More crafty and domestic goodness on the way!  :)

How Many Kings?

As I have mentioned previously, I am a girl who loves traditions.  A few years ago, my in-laws started the tradition of getting each of us girls a new Christmas cd for Thanksgiving each year.  I love Christmas music and I love this tradition!  This year I picked Downhere's "How Many Kings?" and I am definitely not disappointed!  I have enjoyed Downhere since they first played at Cherry Glade Mennonite's Breakaway all those years ago in my tiny hometown of Accident (yes, you read it right), Maryland.  They sang the Mentos theme song and hung out with those of us in the youth group....laughed as group members were "measured for a coffin" by some of the youth group guys....which is a little initiation-type game that involves pouring water down the unsuspecting party's pants leg, making them appear as if they had a potty accident.
Anyhoo....the song "How Many Kings" has become my favorite Christmas song this year, and I think it pefectly captures the true meaning of Christmas. 



Follow the star to a place unexpected
Would you believe, after all we've projected,
A child in a manger?
Lowly and small, the weakest of all
Unlikeliest hero, wrapped in his mother's shawl -
Just a child -
Is this who we've waited for? 'cause...

How many kings step down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
And how many gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that is torn all apart
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Bringing our gifts for the newborn Savior
All that we have, whether costly or meek
Because we believe.
Gold for his honor, and frankincense for his pleasure
And myrrh for the cross he will suffer
Do you believe?
Is this who we've waited for?

All for me...
All for you...

So thankful for Christmas and the gift of Jesus.